A blogger borns

I was on my way to start one more day of chatting, mailing (actually forwarding), orkutting, online shopping and lots more fun activities (ok let me add little bit of meetings, discussions and coding also else you will think ... boy she is a college girl going internet cafe ... nope I am a grown up girl and I was on my way to office ...)

...and this is where I became little conscious, yes self conscious (don’t ask me what is that by the way?) about what I am doing, what I have done and what I am supposed to do … you know .. Oh you must be knowing because these are the questions that stuck sometimes in everybody’s head, especially when you speak to your Mommy and she reminds you how great you are or supposed to be or when your boss has been hard on you or take my case … when you are just a silly face in the NY subway crowd where nobody notices you because you are a dwarf among the other tall fellow American riders …

...yeah this is when I thought about these mind blowing questions and I took a deep breath and … no I didn’t became a writer then but I only inhaled all the deodorant of the man standing besides me and I said man its awful couldnt he get anythything better then this and then after giving a fierce look to that fellow (without letting him know) I started thinking ... its just one more round of that madness that comes over you sometimes and goes faster then it comes ... and as usual I will get rid of this self consciousness stuff soon and I will start riding on the subways happily again.

But this time unfortunately I kept pondering over nights in the moon light near my bed room window … wondering what the hell I want Jeez? I have everything, a job ok a job in America, good amounts in my bank, a house though a little mess but I can manage some place to eat and sleep, a loving and caring husband and though we are the biggest enemies ever born on the earth but we manage to share a few moments of peace and love everyday, ok let me speak the truth only, we very rarely share any moment of love but guys its there I swear somewhere hidden in our hearts and I am sure it will bubble up with a muffled giggle when we will get old and when we will have all the free time on earth to search for that, so guys I have all the things that makes a woman happy then my question was what else I want now, why I feel curtailed sometimes, is everybody or at least few of them around me on this subway feel like this sometimes or God has sent me only with all the free time and damaged brain cells?

But the fact remained same; I couldn’t get answers to the interrogations of my self conscious and I felt an ardent desire to at least pen down my true self.