Friday, June 3, 2011

Two years back ... !

Ra asked me few days back if I would like to go somewhere on Memorial Day long weekend … and the top few things that came in my mind were like Bronx kids zoo … kids jumpnasium … kid-junction … kid-ntic … kid-A … kid-B… and all up to kid-Z … Are you kidding me … do I have a life or not?

I would shrug my shoulders if someone asked me about schedule two years back … just get up dress up and go to work … no worries about lunch or dinner until the eat outs are open … and no worries about coming back home … just two years back.

I would never miss any movie, I watched movies in theatre, Netflix … I ate slept drank on movies just two years back.

It was just two years back when I would finish at least one book in a month … now my literature is limited to chugga chugga choo choo, yummy yukky … where’s my teddy type books … oh actually that’s not all of it … I read some other literature too … like the one I read last month “Battle hymn of Tiger Moms” … what … what else … I can’t even finish my Time on time what else am I thinking about?

I would take royal bubble baths with candles, nobody would bang on my door and even better nobody would come inside to play peekaboo … nobody was there to disturb my privacy just two years back.

I would watch TV peacefully, nobody would scream at me to put on Wa wa wubzy or Yo gabba gabba … just two years back.

I would never worry about candles, sharp corners … knifes or things like that … I would put the things wherever I wanted and wherever they looked elegant … my house was never a safety castle just two years back.

Just two years back I never knew how the lil hugs from two tiny lil hands felt like … I never knew how hard my heart can ache on a lil cry from my lil one.

I never knew I had so many tears in my tear ducts just two years back.

I never knew how hard it is to calm a crying baby in airplanes and in movie theatres.

I never knew I can make up so many interesting bed time stories and I even hold the ability to convert munni’s and sheelas to lullabies.

I never knew that someone can actually eat mashed banana with milk.

I never knew that it was monsters who knocked the door when we took our dinner … I never knew I can hide inside the closet … I never knew of anyone in the world who can have so much fun with the jhaadu or things like that.

I never knew what a growth chart meant and I never understood the pain of a Mom whose kid lies in the lowest 5th percentile.

I never knew its not just movie and Ra that can keep me awake whole night … I can even stay awake just watching and kissing and praying for my Aarny sleeping peacefully.

I never knew I can fight with my best friend if her kid misbehaved with mine. I never knew I hold the spirits similar to Rani Lakshmibai if someone dared to hurt my Aarny.

I never knew ambulances and fire trucks are so much fun!

I never knew how hard it is to learn ABCD … and how hard it is to hold a pea between fingers … I never knew how satisfying it is to be able to switch on off the lamps.

I never knew there exists a million ways to make my lil one laugh aloud … I never knew if someone can laugh when I just scream a ooo or aaaa or baaa or … I said it already I know a million ways believe it or not. But still I never knew sometimes it is just impossible to sooth my crying baby … and I never knew that those are the moments when I would ask Bhagwaan jee to take my life but to spare my Aarny from each and every pain in his life.

Just two years back I never knew what potty really smelt like … I never knew if someone is actually capable of having a potty with the green peas that looked exactly like it was before when that someone ate it.

I never knew that feeding my Aarny would be a much much bigger challenge than meeting the deadlines in my project.

I never knew I would stop thinking about the cost when it is for Aarny.

I never knew I would love someone like this … I never knew I would love being loved like this before … so selfishly … like love mom when she is dressing to go out … hate mom when its time for dinner … love mom when its time to sleep … hate mom when its time to go back home from playground … love mom when Babi screams … hate mom when mommy screams.

I never knew I would mean so much to someone … I never knew I would be so desired. I never knew someone would become so essential … I never knew what my Mom went through raising me … I never knew my life would change like this … I never knew I can be so much responsible … I never respected myself so much … I never felt so proud of myself … my life was never so beautiful before.

I was not a Mom just two years back.