Papa this letter goes to you …
For all the things that you intended to do ,
On this vacation and the last one
And the last to last one … !
The things that could not be done
For the reasons one or another,
Big things like a trip to Puri
And small stuff like visit to Choori!
Things like attending that Terahi together
And things like meeting uncle Dheerender,
You wanted to teach about maintaining NSCs
But who had time for these little things!
I spent all my time in shopping and sleeping
Once again I just did a lot of eating,
Mummy wanted to pack some mirchi ka achaar
But I preferred that dazzling white salwaar!
Mummy I miss that Achaar like never before
I am hating my white salwaar … I swear,
I wish I had some more methi mathri to devour
After this last Gujhiya why my dil mangey some more!
You had luxuries planned for me this chutti
You wanted me to get maalish from Chaiti,
I didn’t had time for this lavishness
My heart now aches more than my backbones!
It was just okay if Aarny missed on one meal
I wouldn’t have this regret for a year to deal,
It was just okay Rajib if we couldn’t finalize on that land
We would have much more time for them in our hand!
Still you never complain about spending less time together
You only regret what you couldn’t do for your daughter,
Oh what an awful old bitiya I am
I have just no words to defend …
Oh what an awful awful bitiya I am,
I blame on myself like I did last year,
I wish I will have enough time before my chances disappear!
Ra asked me few days back if I would like to go somewhere on Memorial Day long weekend … and the top few things that came in my mind were like Bronx kids zoo … kids jumpnasium … kid-junction … kid-ntic … kid-A … kid-B… and all up to kid-Z … Are you kidding me … do I have a life or not?
I would shrug my shoulders if someone asked me about schedule two years back … just get up dress up and go to work … no worries about lunch or dinner until the eat outs are open … and no worries about coming back home … just two years back.
I would never miss any movie, I watched movies in theatre, Netflix … I ate slept drank on movies just two years back.
It was just two years back when I would finish at least one book in a month … now my literature is limited to chugga chugga choo choo, yummy yukky … where’s my teddy type books … oh actually that’s not all of it … I read some other literature too … like the one I read last month “Battle hymn of Tiger Moms” … what … what else … I can’t even finish my Time on time what else am I thinking about?
I would take royal bubble baths with candles, nobody would bang on my door and even better nobody would come inside to play peekaboo … nobody was there to disturb my privacy just two years back.
I would watch TV peacefully, nobody would scream at me to put on Wa wa wubzy or Yo gabba gabba … just two years back.
I would never worry about candles, sharp corners … knifes or things like that … I would put the things wherever I wanted and wherever they looked elegant … my house was never a safety castle just two years back.
Just two years back I never knew how the lil hugs from two tiny lil hands felt like … I never knew how hard my heart can ache on a lil cry from my lil one.
I never knew I had so many tears in my tear ducts just two years back.
I never knew how hard it is to calm a crying baby in airplanes and in movie theatres.
I never knew I can make up so many interesting bed time stories and I even hold the ability to convert munni’s and sheelas to lullabies.
I never knew that someone can actually eat mashed banana with milk.
I never knew that it was monsters who knocked the door when we took our dinner … I never knew I can hide inside the closet … I never knew of anyone in the world who can have so much fun with the jhaadu or things like that.
I never knew what a growth chart meant and I never understood the pain of a Mom whose kid lies in the lowest 5th percentile.
I never knew its not just movie and Ra that can keep me awake whole night … I can even stay awake just watching and kissing and praying for my Aarny sleeping peacefully.
I never knew I can fight with my best friend if her kid misbehaved with mine. I never knew I hold the spirits similar to Rani Lakshmibai if someone dared to hurt my Aarny.
I never knew ambulances and fire trucks are so much fun!
I never knew how hard it is to learn ABCD … and how hard it is to hold a pea between fingers … I never knew how satisfying it is to be able to switch on off the lamps.
I never knew there exists a million ways to make my lil one laugh aloud … I never knew if someone can laugh when I just scream a ooo or aaaa or baaa or … I said it already I know a million ways believe it or not. But still I never knew sometimes it is just impossible to sooth my crying baby … and I never knew that those are the moments when I would ask Bhagwaan jee to take my life but to spare my Aarny from each and every pain in his life.
Just two years back I never knew what potty really smelt like … I never knew if someone is actually capable of having a potty with the green peas that looked exactly like it was before when that someone ate it.
I never knew that feeding my Aarny would be a much much bigger challenge than meeting the deadlines in my project.
I never knew I would stop thinking about the cost when it is for Aarny.
I never knew I would love someone like this … I never knew I would love being loved like this before … so selfishly … like love mom when she is dressing to go out … hate mom when its time for dinner … love mom when its time to sleep … hate mom when its time to go back home from playground … love mom when Babi screams … hate mom when mommy screams.
I never knew I would mean so much to someone … I never knew I would be so desired. I never knew someone would become so essential … I never knew what my Mom went through raising me … I never knew my life would change like this … I never knew I can be so much responsible … I never respected myself so much … I never felt so proud of myself … my life was never so beautiful before.
I was not a Mom just two years back. 
Papa this letter goes to you …
